The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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