I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
