i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
