Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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