Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
