Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have fence marks all over my body
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
