Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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