Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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