I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
