So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
