hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
