One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
