the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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