I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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