Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
