I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
