i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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