My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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