Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
