so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
