Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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