i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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