I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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