I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
