Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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