Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
