when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
