mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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