He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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