is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
