4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
