Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
