Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
