Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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