If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
