I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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