Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
