I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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