Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
