ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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