Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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