I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
