I have demons in me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
