take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
