Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
