and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
