Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
