Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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