Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
