she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
