My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
