that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
