Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize