Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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