I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
