So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
