Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have post one night stand depression
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