I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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