u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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