I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
