I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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