im holly from the hills drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
