I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
