I've blown a few things in my day
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
