i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
