My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
