I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
