She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
