If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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