apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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