I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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