Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
