Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
