I CAN MOONWALK!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ok first of all what the fuck
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
