morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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