ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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