i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
