I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
