hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?