Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
