The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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