Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
