Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
