So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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