I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
